For Megan, breastfeeding was something she had felt strongly about long before her daughter was born. After experiencing two previous miscarriages and a difficult pregnancy, she hoped breastfeeding would be part of her healing journey.
But when her daughter, Bluebelle, was born, everything changed. An emergency caesarean, a frightening separation, sepsis and a stay in NICU meant that the beginning of their feeding journey was very different from what Megan had imagined.
Here, Megan shares how she began expressing colostrum for her baby, the challenges she experienced in NICU and how, with support, she and Bluebelle eventually found their way to breastfeeding.
Breastfeeding was important to me
When I fell pregnant after two previous miscarriages, I was absolutely adamant that I wanted to breastfeed my baby.
The pregnancy itself was incredibly tough. I experienced hyperemesis during the first half, which kept me housebound, followed by crutches, back pain and pelvic girdle pain during the second half.
I even began lactating at around 21 weeks and was wearing breast pads every day.
After everything I had been through, I knew breastfeeding would be an important part of my healing.
I had imagined how those first moments with my baby might look. I had planned a gentle caesarean, with the drape lowered, immediate skin-to-skin and support with latching.
But things didn’t go according to plan.
Megan with her expressed Colostrum
An emergency delivery
At 38 weeks, I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia and told I needed an emergency caesarean to deliver my baby safely.
When Bluebelle was born at 11:30am, they placed her on me as planned. But she wasn’t breathing.
After attempts to get her breathing independently, she was taken away.
An hour later, they brought her back in her incubator so we could try skin-to-skin again. Sadly, it didn’t help and she was taken to NICU, while I went to recovery with dangerously high blood pressure.
I wasn’t well enough to visit her.
We spent nine heartbreaking hours apart.
During that time, Bluebelle was being treated for sepsis and was surrounded by tubes and wires, while I lay helpless in recovery.
Expressing colostrum
Starting with a pump
I began expressing colostrum so that it could be fed to Bluebelle through her feeding tube.
I hated every minute of it.
I was heartbroken, separated from my baby and starting my breastfeeding journey with a machine on another ward. Nothing about it felt natural.
That evening, once I was finally able to reach her, I expressed beside her incubator, determined to get my milk supply going.
I knew how important it was to me to give breastfeeding a chance, but those first days were incredibly difficult.
Breastfeeding in NICU
Finding breastfeeding in the NICU
As the days passed, I sat with Bluebelle in NICU, expressing milk and trying to get her to latch.
I used an Ardo hospital-grade breast pump while we worked towards breastfeeding.
One day, I walked in to find that she had been given formula without my consent. It crushed me.
My milk supply was delayed, my baby was unwell and I felt like I wasn’t able to provide enough for her.
We were told that she might need weeks of tube feeding if I didn’t want her to have formula.
I wasn’t against formula, but I wasn’t ready to give up on breastfeeding. I needed the opportunity to see if we could make it work.
Breastfeeding at home
Finally finding our way
After six days, with the help of a wonderful midwife, we finally found a way forward.
She suggested nipple shields, and suddenly, we cracked it.
Bluebelle latched.
And she hasn’t stopped since.
Ardo’s nipple shields became an important part of our journey, and I really believe they helped us get breastfeeding established when we were struggling.
Breastfeeding my toddler
15 months of breastfeeding
What started in a NICU incubator, with me expressing milk and wondering whether we’d ever manage to breastfeed, has turned into a breastfeeding journey I could never have predicted.
Fifteen months on, we’re still breastfeeding — and I’m still using nipple shields.
Looking back, I’m so glad I didn’t assume that breastfeeding had to look a certain way.
Our journey has involved expressing, a hospital-grade pump, nipple shields, support from a wonderful midwife and plenty of persistence. It hasn’t always been straightforward, but we’ve found what works for us.
